Trick But No Treats

(PCM) “In girl world, Halloween is the “one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.”  I guess I quote Mean Girls way too much, but come on, even guys enjoy this 2004 chick flick! I sometimes have a hard time articulating my point, so I turn to Tina Fey’s masterpiece to sum it up for me.

As Halloween fast approaches, it all boils down to one question: What are you going to be? As Mean Girls points out, usually girls will opt for as little clothing as possible. Their finest pair of Victoria’s Secret lingerie combined with fluffy animal ears will suffice. Others spend about $50 to $100 just to be an ultra sexy version of some law enforcement position or medical personnel.

I find this holiday trend to be so entertaining. We spend our childhood playing cops, doctors, witches, and princesses on Halloween. We used to wear oversized firemen hats and cast spells with our magical brooms. Now, we wear a fireman’s hat with the hat pretty much being the largest part of our costume.

I don’t know when the turning point was in my life where Halloween became less about the candy and more about the outfits. I say outfits with a plural, because we all know that Halloween actually turns into a three-day event. In college, you need an outfit for that Thursday, Friday, and Saturday of Halloween weekend. I remember being so exhausted and so broke after October ended.

Personally, I have fallen into that trap of wanting to sexify myself as “no other girls can say anything about it.” Usually I will do some kind of Fall diet plan as motivation to fit into a tight belly shirt or short skirt.

Some of my more provocative outfits included: Britney Spears circa “You Drive Me Crazy,” Britney Spears circa the “Like a Virgin” performance at the VMAs, Paris Hilton, and a Fembot from Austin Powers. There is obviously a trend here of my wanting to dress as a dolled up, blonde female figure.

During each year, I try to be more creative and less seductive. Last year I was the Orbit girl. “Dirty Mouth? Clean It Up With Orbit White” was what I got sick of saying after 24 hours. The year before that I was a “Grenade,” as a nod to the oh-so-popular Jersey Shore where they coined the term. That one was a fun convo starter for whenever I ran into a Pauly D or Snooki impersonator.

My creative juices are not flowing this year. The only thing I could think of was turning myself into the Pillsbury Doughgirl, try to re-enact the Coppertone Bottle baby, or make my boyfriend dress up as a Dancing With the Stars duo against his will. I am going to continue brainstorming so I can avoid wearing dental floss as clothing in 30 degree weather.


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