(PCM) My sister wound up hitting it off with her guy friend’s friend this weekend. He seemed really cool, and they had a fun make-out session. So we researched him later on (aka stalked him on Facebook) and his status said “in a relationship.” We both looked at each other like… well then… that’s interesting.
This was one of those Sunday night couch conversations that you have with your girlfriends. The place you get to catch up on the latest and greatest weekend hook-ups, judge people who are already getting judged on one of the thousand talent shows out there, and drink a big glass of wine pretending we are “sophisticated.”
The shocking part about her story wasn’t that the guy had a girlfriend already; it was that I have already heard this tidbit a million plus times. Even when I was single last year, I was a victim of it myself.
Last summer at the Jersey shore, (first red flag) my cousin introduced me to his 30-year-old friend (second red flag.) He and I bumped and ground (third red flag) to the pounding beats of David Guetta and Wynter Gordon. At the end of the night, my cousin said to me, “I told Paul he better not touch you or I’ll rip his head off. Besides that, he is also married.”
“Huh?” was my reaction. And I also asked, “Why did you let me dance with him all night?” “Well,” replied my cousin, “the guy is still allowed to dance.” I personally don’t consider that kind of dancing at D’Jais innocent by any means.
So now, not only do I have to worry about when guys with girlfriends hit on me, but now I have to make sure they don’t have a ring too? That was NEVER something that I thought I had to confirm.
My naive little mind thought if they wore a ring, they would already know to behave themselves, since they kind of signed a verbal lifelong contract with each other in front of all their family and friends. I am not saying his wife should’ve divorced him for dancing with a 23-year-old at a sleezy bar, but my husband better not! Ew is the only way to sum up that situation.
Once you are in your 20s, it becomes apparent that cheating is everywhere. Not only do single woman find out later that the guy hitting on them has a girlfriend, but even their own friends are culprits of hooking up with people while they have a girlfriend. A Facebook status makes commitment far from “official.”
And in Law and Order jargon, the girl being approached is not liable, as she has zero knowledge of the guy’s situation, especially if he’s acting as if he is unattached. Back in the good ‘ole days, when a guy approached a girl, it usually meant he was single. But that is not a given today. So, what are single girls supposed to do? Ask the guy for his Facebook name so they can do a background check before accepting a free drink offer? Maybe so. I even think there was an app briefly available for such a personal check until it was pulled for privacy violations.
Nevertheless, it seems that women in their twentys have to add married men to their list of worries in the dating game. And after my experience last summer, I’d like to caution single females to make sure to do a check for the ring before you let them buy you a thing.