Today is a day for brutal honesty. Saturday actually went pretty well. I exercised, I actually was forced to exercise as I had to make a half an hour walk up hill that, in my childhood days, we referred to as Devils Elbow. This hill is steep and has a sharp curve in the middle of it. The Elbow is great fun to sled and ride bikes down. Going up however was never any fun and Saturday proved no different.
Saturday afternoon I ended up chasing 3 foul mouthed kids up the elbow. I got half way up, I actually rounded the bend and went about 20 more feet, I began to get dizzy and pant and my heart was racing at an insane rate. One of the kids turned around and looked at me saying, “You’re going to die.” Actually I thought he was right. I waited and still being stubborn continued the climb. The kids eventually got away, but, I made it up to the top of the hill and then around and back down again, using a street with a gentler slope. All in all it took about half an hour.
I did pretty well with food that day too; I did treat myself to a Hershey Bar, the new one where they whip the chocolate so it is mostly air, the bar is about half the size of a regular Hershey Bar, and with so much air whipped in the calories are less.
Yesterday didn’t go well at all. I ended up being extremely depressed and unmotivated to do anything. I ate badly, and it was emotional eating. I need to figure out how to control that. If there is anyone out there with suggestions I would be more than happy to hear them.
Depression is very hard to overcome. I am medicated for it, but it comes back in huge waves about once a month. When this happens I feel almost paralyzed, with no desire to do anything. It takes great effort just to get out of bed. As everything I do emotionally feels bad, it becomes important to me, to do something that feels good, this ends up being eating. And I go after food that I know will please my taste buds. I feel no better or worse after eating; it is just a band aid on a gunshot wound. Normally, the next day I wake up and the depression is gone. It comes and goes with no apparent reason.
And yes I am in the midst of seeking help for that.
Today has been an OK day. I have spent the day, so far working on my paper for school. I had a bowl of honey nut Cheerios for breakfast and a small snack of about an ounce of cheddar cheese with about 5 no – salt crackers. Lunch will be some Chicken Salad by itself and I am making Ham Steaks tonight for dinner. I am going to do my best to fit exercise in before the day ends. Tomorrow I go to my Doctors office where I will be weighed and will report those results to you on Wednesday.
In the meanwhile have a good day.
