A wise man once said, “Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater!” I actually have no idea what that absurd phrase means, but to me personally, it insinuates that cheating, to put it eloquently, is just immoral, selfish, and hedonistic. If it isn’t bad enough that cheating exists in real-life whether you are a man, woman, tween, twenty-something, forty-something, (insert a random decade-something), boy, girl, dog, or sea monkey, it is also prevalent in the media we watch.
And what do all of these TV shows, reality shows, and movies reinforce? That not only does cheating exist, but people can get away with it too. Let me give you an example for all of those Sex and the City-obsessed fans out there (and yes, I think relating everything that happens in my relationship life to a SATC episode makes me one of those fans.) Steve’s adoration and infatuation with Miranda finally wins her over. Long story short, they climb all of the necessary steps: they fall in love, they “do it” (since this is SATC, they of course do it before they fall in love), they have a baby, get married, and move into a humble abode in Brooklyn.
After the honeymoon stage of marriage is over, Miranda gets busy at work, which creates a six-month window where she and Steve do not share physical intimacy. In this time, Steve becomes frustrated and sleeps with someone else. How does this ultimately play out? Miranda is naturally devastated. Her friends are shocked by Steve’s actions, but lend advice that Steve still loves Miranda and she should forgive and forget. Miranda ends up partially blaming herself, and in the end runs into Steve’s arms happy just to fix their situation.
Now, I get it, that when it comes to marriage, the situation can get complicated, especially because they have children. What I don’t get is that the movie completely celebrates their reconciliation, overlooking the scars that will be left. The SATC audience deserves to have their intelligence acknowledged. On one respect the genre is presented as a sophisticated relationship narrative, yet when an opportunity arises to be edifying, it reverts to a fairytale. Well, maybe not a fairytale because I never remember any Prince Charming cheating, but you get my drift.
Seems we’re expected to believe that through all this, Miranda and Steve “live happily ever after.” Maybe, and I might be making excuses for them, the production company has an underdeveloped sense of morality and thinks the simple conflict, tears, smile again works for this population. Or maybe I’m just looking for the show I’ve been following to have some satisfying core message that will affirm my belief in the integrity that can be inherent in human nature, but why should they when ratings for reality shows that chronicle human betrayal and depravity are soaring. Give the public what they want, not what they need is going on here; and nobody is complaining.
What’s really scary to me is when I consider what my literature professor from college said about art and how it mirrors society’s trends and values. Well then, if infidelity is common and easily accepted in a relationships today, has society just begun to view the “act” as yet another routine biological function, making cheating virtually nothing. Maybe so, but if this physical betrayal is accepted, how about accounting for the promised verbal commitments exchanged with partners that go along with that?
Two years after seeing the movie with more life experience, I realize now how unrealistic that SATC storyline is. If they could have followed the couple in between SATC and the sequel SATC 2, then they would see many therapy sessions with the couple and constant nights where Miranda would have felt compelled to “do it” with her husband so as to not drive him into the arms of another woman… So messed up! (And yes, I keep referring to the passionate act of love making as “doing it” as I don’t know who might be viewing our site at this time, so this is my feeble attempt to keep this as PG as possible. Anyway, this is but two that make cheating look acceptable. But I don’t think we should simply slap that wrist, say “bad dog,” and give them a treat?)
But SATC is not alone. Although the first Hangover was a blockbuster, the second (which I feel compelled never to watch again) is a movie equally celebrating the acceptable, ever present breaking of trust in a relationship. The movie is exactly like the first one, but what happens to the main characters is more violent, dangerous, and crippling. And the setting is in a different country. There ya go – I saved you ten bucks. In Hangover 2 Stu has a fiancé, yet he sleeps with a man, who he initially thought was a female.
Either way, he did the deed while he was committed, and whether he was blacked out or not, it still happened. We don’t see the fiancé find out in the movie, but that must have been one “awkward turtle” situation I am glad I did not have to watch. But, I could venture a missing chapter write would come out something like she probably threw something at him, they didn’t talk for a week, and then they were happily back together after he surprises her with a dozen roses at work.
Before you begin thinking I have a gender prejudice when it comes to infidelity, I need to point out that it‘s not just males who are the cheaters (in movies and real life too). Women also are guilty parties. I just watched The Kids Are All Right the other day where Julianne Moore and Annette Bening are life partners who have two children from a sperm donor who is played by Mark Ruffalo. Annette doesn’t show Julianne affection, so Julianne ends up sleeping with Mark while Annette is working. The truth is revealed only when Annette does some investigative work, and badda-bing badda-boom, you, have one uncomfortable conversation in the living room. There is awkward tension, the children are mad at their mom; but they all end up trying to work through it.
Not only do movies show couples moving on quickly from cheating, but they consistently point the finger at the innocent partner for lacking in the “fun department.” The main messages TV promotes? Cheating is more common and acceptable in relationships nowadays, couples can mend quickly after someone’s betrayal, and you better not deprive your partner or they will fool around, around town.
I don’t see how the trust could ever be regained. Why can’t people be honest about wanting to be with someone else? Instead of betraying someone’s trust, try out the old-fashioned way of just breaking it off with the person you are with and then moving forward instead of doing something deceitful and expecting to coast under the radar until your guilt fades.
My friend, I will call him Eddie, my friend Eddie has been with his girlfriend for about three years. Recently, he has not only been hooking up with people but has been sleeping with people too. When approached with a “Hey dude, why are you doing this to her? Just cut it out.” He responds, “Well, I know she is going to be the girl I will marry so I am just trying to get my fun, selfish phase in now.” Wow, Eddie! He’d be “deadie Eddie” if I was his girlfriend and found out. Perhaps he watched MTV’s Jersey Shore before he went to bed and took notes on how they are all able to cheat on their significant others and get away with it. Eddie, you are a “Cheater, Cheater, and prove that dogs like you come from the same Breeder.” (I felt that was a little more effective than the pumpkin reference.)
