(PCM) “You know what, Babe, I was thinking the other day about what you said. I understood the way you felt before, but when I really put myself in your shoes, I realized I would have felt the same exact way.”
This is what you wish your boyfriend would say to you after a disagreement, and this is exactly what my boyfriend said to me the other night. The only thing that could have distracted me from my current quesadilla enjoyment was the random act of kindness displayed by my significant other.
We had such a silly disagreement about the most pointless of topics. It is not like we get into big, unhealthy fights like something you’d see out of Flavor of Love, but just like any two human beings… we agree to disagree on topics, ideas, fashion, friends, etc.
First, I have to give my boyfriend snaps for ALWAYS making comments like this. I have never before been in a situation where a guy not only apologized, but also EMPATHIZED. With all of my other relationships, the guys would take the typical male approach of saying a quick “okay, okay, I’m sorry.” The only reason they did this was to make me shut up, and they knew it worked. Although those manifest issues were resolved, this ultimately made the latent issues larger.
The biggest and most important word I have used so far is “empathy!” I think this is a crucial aspect to a relationship. When two people are able to express a deep understanding for the other person’s situation or feeling, that is to be cherished.
If a male does not try to listen and comprehend what his girlfriend is saying, then over time, it just seems like the girl is “nagging” him. And we girls know that whenever a guy says we are just looking for a fight, or trying to nag them, it drives us C-R-A-Z-Y! Those responses are usually followed by our saying how mean or cold they are being that they call us names instead of listening to how we feel.
I mean it also doesn’t help us that we females are more emotional by nature and nurture anyway. This is another aspect guys have to factor in when having these talks with their girlfriends. The fact is that it is in our nature to talk about our feelings whenever we feel upset. If we don’t, then we hold it in and burst like a firework on fourth of July if we don’t get out what we need to say. That, or people end up getting spiteful because they are holding things in–all factors that lead to an unhealthy relationship.
I am very fortunate to have found someone who is able to put aside his male bravado to take a second to listen, and empathize with how I feel. It truly relaxes me to know that I can express myself without being worried that he will judge me or start to get annoyed. It is also comforting to know that my partner cares about how I feel and genuinely wants to work on anything that comes up.
This isn’t supposed to be an advice column. But, the next time you are with someone… try to be empathetic and make sure it is reciprocated, because empathy truly is one of the ingredients in the recipe for love! ☺
