Today’s column will be short…and sweet. It hasn’t been a good day and I hope to be asleep as early as possible.
Today I went into one of the worst depressive battles of my life. It didn’t last long but it hurt a lot.
I got up at 6:30 and walked the dog. I knew I was dropping within the hour and by 8:30 all I could do was lie on my bed and stair ahead feeling nothing much more than emotional pain that came from nowhere.
Around 9:30 my father came in the room and told me some news that I was not ready to hear. It wasn’t bad news at all, but it was upsetting for me. I put on a face, encouraged him, and as soon as he was gone the tears started to come. Now I was depressed and dealing with a legitimate emotion at the same time.
The tears and pain continued throughout the day. I contacted my small group leader and he encouraged me as best he could. I was relieved someone knew what was happening. Not long after I sent out a group e-mail asking for prayer and some folks got back to me quickly support doesn’t take it away but it makes it a bit easier to bear.
At 3:00 I called my psychiatrist. By that time I could not form sentences, I was stuttering and crying at the same time. I didn’t know what else to do and was getting ready to take myself to the hospital or find someone who could take me. I tried to write this column but what came out of me was not worth reading.
Around four o’clock I “officially” went to bed. If I slept there would be no pain, I had slept well the night before so I wasn’t sure I would sleep at all. But I did. At 6:30 the phone rang and I answered it. It was a friend calling to see how I was. I told him about the day, but I began to realize something was different. I didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t trust it. I hung up and realized I was really me again. Emotionally I was working well.
And so it is now.
This was a battle and a win, a new win at that. Never had I had this type of depression lasted this short a time. Never would this column have been written before. The only real difference was that I reached out to many people who on my behalf prayed for me. Believe when I tell you it was not something I could do for myself.
One more thing, something I want to reiterate every chance I get. If you ever feel like you are going to harm yourself or others GO TO THE HOSPITAL! I don’t want anyone who reads these columns to ever find themselves in a place where they won’t go. I want you alive. So do many others, even at the times you can’t believe that in any way.
