Day 31! A complete month has now passed since we started out together on this journey and I have a learned a lot and experienced a lot. I am glad that you have been beside me as I have made this journey.
I have learned that I do not NEED food in order to survive emotionally. I have learned that really food may give me a temporary high and I may feel better for a few moments, but ultimately that high will go away and the bad feelings will return.
I have learned that foods that are not good for me can be done without. Actually last week I went to McDonalds and got my regular order and by the time I was finished eating it I was sick to my stomach. A food that I believed I could not do without, now makes me ill when I eat it.
I have learned that I must face my problems. I don’t like doing that. Burying my face in a cheese burger was always easier and there was much less difficulty involved. But problems don’t go away. They can stay hidden and we can avoid them, but they are always there waiting for us to pay attention and one day we will. It’s better to face them on our terms, that on someone else’s.
I am beginning to learn that there is more to me than what I saw before. Not a long ago if asked to describe myself, I would have said ‘”a worthless pile of flesh, that the world would be better without.” But that’s not true. I have value and talents that I didn’t even know I possessed. Using those talents and sharing my inner life with you has brought me to a new place inside. It’s not easy, but there is more to me than I could give myself and credit for than I used to believe. I may still not always look forward to the next day. But something in me is turning a new corner on to a new street and there are things that can be discovered.
Today is a day of celebration. A day to say, “I am alive.” A day to believe that there is purpose and more adventure a head. This month is a beginning toward an end that is not clear but has enormous potential to be wonderful.
