Relationship Do’s and Don’ts!

Caryn Ward, star of ‘He’s Mine Not Your’s’ shares her relationship tips with PCM:

Hey Ladies, here are a few tips that I have found to work magic in the love and romance department. Whether you are looking for a man, just starting to date, or on the path to marriage, these tips may help spice up your love life and keep your man blissfully happy (and you too, of course).

Do’s:

1. Cook for your man. Yes, I know. I can hear many of you gasping! In the age of postmodern feminism, many of you will take exception to this. It is cliché. I fought it for a long time. But let me tell you, in my experience as a newly married woman I have first-hand knowledge of the old adage;” the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Men need to feel nurtured. When I cook for my husband, he feels appreciated and that goes a long way in keeping him happy. Not to fret, you don’t have to spend hours slaving in the kitchen or be a master chef. When my husband and I first started dating, I wasn’t the best cook (I burned more than a few pots). But he appreciated the effort. Sometimes it’s just the effort to make sure he is nourished and cared for that really matters. There is something about eating together that creates intimacy, and knowing you created his meal with love is sure to make him warm and fuzzy inside. If cooking just isn’t your thing, find other ways to make him feel like the center of the universe. That’s really the point I am making.

2. Let’s face it. Men have basic primal needs and sex is a BIG one! One sure fire way to keep your man happy is to rock his world in the bedroom (and other parts of the house too). Uh oh, I hear more gasps. Just hear me out. Confidence is key. Love your curves, the cellulite, the handles, every inch of your body. To be honest, men don’t pay half the attention to our bodily flaws as we do. So go ahead and release your Inner (fill in the blank) and let her roar! Surprise him with a “love-fest” for no apparent reason. He’ll appreciate it when you throw on some sexy lingerie just because it’s Tuesday. Walk around the house your “birthday suit”. And if you want extra credit, serve a hot meal in pair of sexy stilettos pumps with a smile. When it comes to matters of sex, there is one cardinal rule: Have fun and be CREATIVE!

3. Work on your insecurities. Nothing pushes a man away quicker than a needy woman who needs constant attention and affirmation that she’s okay. Ladies, keep your fears in check. If gaining his heart is through his stomach, then keeping him is certainly through his mind. Intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually stimulate him. I’m not suggesting you should be a doormat. Nor should you be a stubborn bull. It is okay to be vulnerable and highly recommended. Let him see this softer, gentler side of you. But also, don’t expect him to pick up the pieces of your life and make you whole. It’s your job to feel good about yourself and to know your own worth. Talk to girlfriends, journal, see a therapist, buy a goldfish. Do whatever it takes so that you don’t emotionally vomit on your mate. Find things that bring YOU joy and fulfillment. In short: HAVE A LIFE with or without your man. This is especially important when you first start dating, but you need to maintain it throughout the relationship. The most important relationship you can have is the one with yourself. I can’t stress this one enough.

4. Give him the freedom to just BE. Guys need time to hang with the boys, or just to be alone. It’s nothing personal. Also, make sure you have a “No Nag Zone” (or NNZ) in your relationship. For example, it would drive me absolutely bonkers every time my husband would leave the cereal box half open. After constantly nagging him, I eventually decided to let it go. Peace in the house was more important. I put the cereal box in the NNZ. The moral of the story: Pick your battles and focus more on the positive things he does. Trust me, it will bring much more harmony into the relationship and he’ll appreciate you for it.

5. Share a laugh. Be able to laugh at yourself and your man will be able to laugh with you. Once you’ve gotten through an argument or misunderstanding, laugh about it! It makes you guys closer and gives him some hope. Useful tip: Men don’t like to argue. Give up your need to be right all the time (this was a big one I had to learn). Sometimes that means being able be able to say you are sorry first. Honest communication and sharing a hearty laugh is key to a successful and happy relationship.

 

Don’ts:

1. Don’t try too hard. Be YOU and relax. A man loves a woman who is comfortable in her skin. Nothing is more attractive than authentic power and self-confidence. Don’t rearrange your world for your man. Often times, we lose ourselves in hopes of pleasing a man. While it is necessary to compromise and be flexible, never give up your core values for another person.

2. Don’t let yourself go (see tip #2 in the Do’s section). Not to fret, men need to keep themselves together too. But since I am talking to the ladies, this is a friendly reminder to keep the high heels and a sexy dress on deck! Men are visual creatures–USE it to your advantage! My husband always appreciates when I dress up. It reminds him of “what he has”, and it shows I am making an effort to keep myself together. In my opinion, effort means the world to men and is a key ingredient in keeping them happy.

3. Don’t try to fix him and/or be his mother. He has a mom. He needs a companion, a confidante, someone to lean on and who will steer him in the right direction when he’s off course. Be his equal (not his parent or his child) and you are sure to have a man who feels like he can take on the world! Let’s face it, with YOU by his side, he can!

4. Don’t dwell on the negative, either in your current relationship, or from relationships in the past. Don’t hold him responsible for past hurts. Let it go!

5. And last but not least, this is the most important of them all: Don’t ever, ever, ever; EVER forget that you are Divine Goddess. Pamper yourself, externally and internally. Radiate your inner Queen and your man will follow suite. Loving yourself will bring the love and happiness you desire and most certainly, deserve.

 

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